Hope

An Eternal Romance

Uncategorized

An Eternal Romance

Photo Credit: Google Images- Return of Christ Banner

If you follow me on Facebook, you may have noticed more recent posts referring to missing being romanced by my husband.  I have had to really take this to the Lord.  I have had to lay these feelings at the foot of the Cross.  Of course after the death of one’s spouse, or even a breakup or divorce—you’re most likely going to miss the romantic sparks.  The sweet surprises, love notes, flowers, the whispering’s of “I Love you”… whatever it is that defined romantic gestures in your relationship.  I know it’s normal.  I know this is a part of grief I have to walk through.  But I also know my personality.  I know if I dwell on this part of my life being lost along with my husband it can create a dark pool of self-pity.  It can create a selfish monster who says, “I deserve that in my life”.  That selfish monster would not make wise decisions.  I don’t have time to not be wise.  Neither do you.  Can I get an Amen?

Let’s take a moment and really think about our society—All of these dating apps, dozens and dozens of Reality shows designed for finding love, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Blind Date, Married at First Site, Love Connection, Bachelor in Paradise… The list can go on and on.  There is nothing wrong with yearning for love, and seeking love, or watching people go out on a limb to find it—I admit I watch a few of these shows myself.  They can be quite entertaining.  And yes, some really do find love at the end of the show.

But what if these individuals focused more on an eternal romance rather than an earthly one?  I bet their perspective and satisfactory levels in life would sky rocket.

Through my current stage of grief I can feel the Lord prompting me to dissect my own heart.  My relationship with him is designed to fulfill ALL my emptiness and longings.  “Lord be enough for me,” I pray daily.  Psalm 107:9 says, “For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.”  Those aren’t just nice words strung together to make a pretty sentence.  It is TRUTH.

He satisfies, He fills.

Jesus wants every area of our heart and soul.  He wants to be the One who fills us.  All other fillings will fade away.  Even the great loves of our earthly life.  People will let us down and disappoint us.  We will let people down and disappoint them.  Death parts earthly love.  Death will never ever part the eternal love of Jesus.

We live in such a dissatisfied culture and generation.  We seem to always be striving for more.  And then when we obtain that ‘more’.  Guess, what?  We want even more.  Singles seem to be in a downward depression because they want to be married.  Married folks aren’t appreciating their spouses and wish they were single.  It’s a never-ending battle of unsatisfactory circumstances from our fleshly perspective.

Here is some earth-shattering, life changing news—We have the answer to a more than satisfactory life.  His name is Jesus.  And He literally saves souls.  He wants to romance you to depths that your human mind cannot imagine.  He wants to have an intimate relationship with you.  Not a religious one, an intimate one.  This is the place I am at in my walk with the Lord.  I have walked with Him since I was a child.  But there is something about this season of grief that has opened my eyes to new realms of who God really is.  During my marriage I faced seasons of loneliness, and disappointment—as did my husband.  I was a difficult person to be married to, especially in our first year.  Nothing satisfied me.  I wished I knew then what I know now.  The more you allow the Lord to work in you, the more you want to LOVE others with a passion.  Even when life seems to be turned upside down, we can react in love because of the love of Christ living inside us.

When I get stuck in my selfish, fleshly mind, I begin to fear my future.  I begin to pity my title of widow, and my daughter’s title of fatherless.  I become angry.  I am overcome with deep sorrow.  I yearn for my husband’s strong arms around me in the middle of a long grief filled sleepless night.  But the Lord is drawing my heart to Him in a way that would never be without facing this dreaded earthly pain.  He is bringing my heart, mind and spirit to focus eternally.  It’s not about what I can see in front of me.  It is about the unseen, for the unseen things are the eternal things.

He is bringing me to an Eternal Romance with Him.

It is ironic how such dark, bleak, tragedy can change you to the core for the better.  Christ uses life altering phenomenon’s to draw us nearer to Him when we are at our lowest points.  If we surrender through the pain and darkness, He will lift us up.  He will set our feet on the rock of His foundation, on His steadfast love.

In the first weeks following my husband’s death—all I could do spiritually was cry out “I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.”  I had no other words to pray.

Every great love story begins with trust.  It’s no different with the love story of our Savior.  I know my heart being drawn to the eternal romance of Christ began when I surrendered.  When I put all of my trust into Him.  Not some of my trust—but all of it.  (I have to do this daily)  I had a revelation that my life is not my own.  Our earthly lives are but a blink of an eye— however our eternal lives are just that… eternal.  Forever, and then forevermore.

Realistically, I am young—one day, Lord willing, I hope to be re-married.  But my focus is not on an earthly love.  My desires, my heart, my yearnings are on an eternal love.  An Eternal Romance with my Savior.  Everything else falls into place after that.

“For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”   2 Corinthians 4:17-18.

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”  Psalm 16:11.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.

Until Death Do Us Part

Uncategorized

Until Death Do Us Part

Photo By A Smile Is Forever Photography, Marisa Durrett

This past weekend I had the humbling honor of standing next to my best friend, Shala, as I witnessed her make vows before God, family, and friends, uniting as one with her, “Redneck Romeo”, Ryan.  It was a beautiful, Christ centered ceremony.  As I stood there watching the Holy Matrimony being created I couldn’t help but be overcome with emotions.  As the tears streaked my face I could vividly see me and Cody standing at the altar almost five years ago.  I could remember my heart racing with excitement and a little fear of the unknown.  I remember thinking—this is it.  My life is “complete” now.  I have the one that will be by my side until I’m old and grey… Or “Until Death Do Us Part”.

When the Officiating Pastor, Willie Williams, spoke the words “until death do you part” during yesterday’s ceremony, it was an arrow piercing through my heart.  My eyes closed as I prayed that this beautiful couple have a lifetime together—I prayed they will indeed get to grow old with one another before that vow is fulfilled.

During the ceremony there were bay windows overlooking beautiful landscape with unique trees.  As my ears listened to the words being exchanged, my eyes were being drawn outside.  My eyes saw past the trees, pasture land, blue skies, and perfect white clouds.  I saw raw beauty.  I saw hope.  I saw God.

The wind was blowing ever so slightly—I could see a bush standing alone—just swaying back and forth.  There was something spiritual about watching this bush dancing in the wind as the beautiful vows were being exchanged.  God created that bush.  God created the wind.  God created this moment.  God created all things—something as simple as a dancing bush to something significant as this man and woman pledging their earthly lives together.  God created the unity between the wind and the bush and the unity of this man and his bride.  God is in everything, He is omniscient—all knowing, all-wise, all-seeing.

My eyes rested back on the couple standing before me and I could literally feel the Love and adoration exuding between them.  It was beautiful to be a part of.  Again, my heart felt as if it were going to palpate out of my chest.  My mind raced with a million thoughts.  Why was my marriage cut so short?  Why couldn’t my husband be here with me?  Why is being in a season of widowhood God’s plan for my life?  Why?  Those questions may never be answered on this side of glory.

As thoughts of my own wedding ran through my mind—I realized I am  a completely different woman than  I was when I made my vows to my Cody until “death parted us”.  Reflecting on my first year of marriage, I admit I looked to my husband for things only a sincere relationship with our Heavenly Father can give you.  Though your spouse is supposed to fill many roles such as being your helpmate, best friend, and lover, only God can fill your heart, mind, and soul to depths that one cannot even put into words.  God’s Love feels like glitter running through your veins.  As much as I desire for my married status to still be intact, I am so awe-inspired and grateful to walk with God.

His Love has become so much more real and tangible to me in these last 7 months.  His Love is so evident all around me, even during intense grieving.  I know His Love has always been there, but I am seeing life through new lenses now.  It’s beautiful.

I feel like that secluded swaying bush.  I am alone, dancing.

Oh, but I am far from alone…  

Though I cannot see my Heavenly Daddy—just as the wind cannot be seen—He has me wrapped up in His arms dancing with me ever so sweetly, guiding my feet where they shall go as He leads this dance.

There is no place I would rather be than in His Love.  His Love is the only sure thing in this life.

Nothing can separate us from it.  “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angles nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38-39.

Nothing.Can.Separate.Us.

I may no longer be a man’s bride, but I am the Bride of Christ.  And for those of you who are ‘a man’s bride’—Remember you were Christ’s Bride first—and that is an eternal title.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.

He Is In The Fire

Uncategorized

fire3

During one of my many sleepless nights as of late, lying in my king sized bed, with my eyes wide open, I was trying to hold back grieving cries.  Because once I cry, I don’t stop for hours.  In this particular moment I was at a loss for words due to the pain of my husband not being next to me.  I closed my eyes.  I opened my mouth and all that came out was “Lord, You are enough.”  Silent tears streaked my face.   I repeated this over and over in a cadence rhythm.  “Lord, You are enough.  Lord keep being enough for me, Lord You are enough.”

As I repeated this over and over, an out of this world tranquility washed over me.  The unexplained kind.  In this moment I had a vision of being in a raging fire.  I was in the center of the flames, not knowing what to do.  I could see a figure come to me.  He wrapped His arms around me—shielding me from the flames.  It was my Heavenly Daddy.

He got in the fire with me.

He is in the fire with me.

I sat up in the bed and sobbed a deep sob.  I praised my God through the fleshly heartache.  He is in the fire with me.  He is shielding me from the flames.  He knows I have to walk through the fire.  This fire is molding me more into His image, but He is with me in the fire.  I know He will never leave me.  That changes everything.

When I was a young teenager my favorite song was “Through the Fire” by The Crabb Family.  I have so many memories of blasting this song through the house with my mom.  Through the years the powerful chorus has stayed with me: “He never promised that the cross would not get heavy and the hill would not be hard to climb.  He never offered victories without fighting.  But he said help would always come in time.  Just remember when you’re standing in the valley of decision and the adversary says give in, Just hold on, our Lord will show up, and he will take you through the fire again.”

My spirit rises when I think of the recorded events of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the Book of Daniel.  They disobeyed King Nebuchadnezzar’s orders to worship the golden image.  “…But if you do not worship, you shall immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace.  And who is the god who will deliver you out of my hands?”  Daniel 3:15.  Their reply, “If this be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king.  But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image you have set up.”  Daniel 3:17-18.

What a testament of faith from Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego.  The words “But if not” in reference to even if God didn’t save them from the fire—they still were NOT going to worship any other gods.  They were willing to go into the fiery furnace, amongst the flames.  The king was furious with their answer.  He ordered the furnace to be heated up seven times more than usual.  The three God fearing men were bound in their cloaks and thrown into the fire.  The fire was so hot that the King’s men that threw them in the fire perished from the flames.

What happens next is nothing short of a miracle and beyond power-filled.  “Then King Nebuchadnezzar was astonished and rose up in haste.  He declared to his counselors, “Did we not cast three men bound into the fire?… I see four men unbound walking in the midst of the fire, and they are not hurt; and the appearance of the fourth is like the son of gods.”  Daniel 3:24-25.

The king went to the door of the furnace and declared the three men to come out.  When they got out of the furnace they were unharmed, not one hair on their heads were burnt.  They didn’t even smell like smoke.

God got in the fire with them.

He shielded them from the flames.

We serve that same God today.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego had radical faithfulness to God.  They did not falter in their answer to go through the fire, refusing to worship the golden image.  Radical faithfulness changes us.  That kind of faith bleeds into every area of our lives and those around us.  Because the three men stayed true to God—King Nebuchadnezzar was changed.  He made a decree that “any people or nation that speaks against the God of these three men they shall be torn from limb to limb and their houses laid in ruins, for there is no other god who is able to rescue in this way.”  Daniel 3:29-30.  The King then praised God.

I want to be like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.  I want to be willing to walk through the flames of this broken world for my God.  Even when my flesh doesn’t want to.  Even when my flesh is screaming in heartache.  Even when my flesh is fearful of the flames.  I want a faith that changes the world around me.

There is power in the fire.

I may have to go through the fire, but I will be unbound and praising Him through the fire.

No matter what I face in this life— No matter what you face in this life—Our Lord will always get in the fire with us.  He will never leave us or forsake us.

During moments in my life when the flames were surrounding me—When I am in danger, when my heart hurts so badly I don’t think I can take another breath, when I don’t see His plan and darkness abounds my view—He is there, always, shielding me from the flames.

He is in the fire with me.

He is in the fire with you.

He is my rock and my redeemer.  He is my ever present help in times of trouble.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.