Inspirational

Be A Truth Teller

Jesus Is Lord, Trusting God

“But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved,” (Philippians 3:20-4:1 ESV).

In a world full of sinful delusions masked as “love,” be a Truth teller.

We are in a war for truth. As a redeemed believer and follower of Jesus Christ, we are commanded to speak the truth of His Holy Word and share the gospel—the literal Good News of Jesus SAVING people who fall short of the glory of God. Reality check—WE ALL fall short of His glory everyday of our lives, hence why we ALL need the Savior, Jesus Christ. (Romans 3:23)

My feelings can’t save me. My good deeds can’t save me. My “good person” status can’t save me. My mom can’t save me. The government can’t save me. My bank account can’t save me. My health can’t save me. My strong will can’t save me. My college education can’t save me. My husband can’t save me. My children can’t save me.

Jesus saves me.

In the Gospel of John, he records Jesus’ words, “… I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me,” (John 14:6 ESV).

Jesus is the way. Jesus is the truth. Jesus is the life.

End of the story.

Jesus is truth. He is the standard of truth. He is the standard of goodness. He is the standard of righteousness. He is the standard of holiness. Any other “truth” or standard is rubbish, foolish, and fades.

In other words of Jesus, He tells His disciples a truth that is overwhelmingly unpopular to the world. “…If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me,” (Matthew 16:24 ESV).  

Deny himself. Ouch. We are living in a cowardly culture that has zero concept of what it means to deny fleshly appetites. One wakes up and feels a certain way—that then becomes their twisted version of truth and reality. It’s madness. It’s no less than the days of Sodom and Gomorrah.

Believer, what then should we do with all these delusions of reality that invoke such gross evil and attempts to smother the truth of Jesus and His Word?

We set like flint and follow after Jesus in every aspect of our lives. We take up our cross, daily. We armor ourselves with the Holy scriptures. We share the gospel. We do not grow weary of doing good. We persevere until the end, like so many of our brothers and sisters in Christ have done before us. We take up the torch of truth daily, shine it, and light others torches around us. We can’t sit down. We can’t slumber. We can’t silence.  

Like so many across our country, my heart is devasted over the senseless, evil, assassination of a brilliant, wise, TRUTH-telling, husband, father, and Brother-in-Christ, Charlie Kirk. He encouraged countless with the Word of God. He stood firm on Biblical principles. He boldly pointed others to the truth of Who Jesus is—Savior. He not only stood on Biblical principles but also stood for the United States Constitution and what our Founding Fathers built.

What a loss for our country.

But what rejoicing he is doing in Heaven at this very moment. He won.

He was taken down by the schemes of satan, but ultimately our sovereign and perfect God allowed it. Somehow, my God gets the glory, every time. Even when we can’t see it or do not understand it.

Jesus said, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it,” (Matthew 16:25 ESV).

Are you willing to lose your life for the Truth of Jesus?

Martyrdom isn’t something our country faces daily. But what if it was? Is your following after Jesus whimsical and wavering? Or are the seeds of the Truths of Jesus and God’s Holy Word so richly planted in you, that without a doubt you would have His truth on your lips until your final breath, even if you’re threatened to stop speaking Jesus’ truth?

This is a wake-up call, Believer. I pray you seek God so intensely and have a holy conviction to be rooted in His Word that there is no second guessing your stance.

Believer, we must tell the truth of Jesus. Wherever the Lord has ordered you in this life—tell His truth. Whether it’s at your seemingly boring 8-5 job—tell His truth. Whether it’s a platform that garners the attention of thousands or millions—tell His truth. Whether it’s in your living room to the young hearts the Lord has entrusted to you during your time on earth—tell His truth.

What do we have to lose?

Our lives?

Not really.

In the words of the late John MacArthur, “All death can do to the believer is deliver him to Jesus.” Charlie Kirk has been reported to have spoken these same words. The beautiful irony.

As followers of Jesus, we should have this same boldness surrounding our thoughts of an earthly death. This boldness should stoke a fire so bright to LIVE for Christ and His glory.

Paul writes about this truth to the church at Philippi, “as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body whether by life or death. For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain,” (Philippians 1:20-21 ESV).

I challenge you, Believer, not to embody a mindset of flesh-fueled anger, but one of deep sorrow over the sin that is rampart around our nation and world. I pray it brings us to our knees. Do you realize that among these current scoffers of Jesus, there are some that are still yet to be called as Child of God? But, make no mistake, if they belong to Christ, He will get them. (John 10:14-16). What a beautiful thing that the Lord has graciously allowed us to be a part of… sharing the gospel of His Truth to help bring the lost to salvation and repentance.

I want to conclude with a beautiful exhortation written by Paul to the Church at Philippi that is still for the believer today,

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. Only let us hold true to what we have attained. Brothers, join in imitating me, keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved,” (Philippians 3:12-4:1 ESV).

Be a Truth teller until the end.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God

Ardently His,

Jess

Promise Keeper

Sanctification, Trusting God

“For all the promises of God find their Yes in him…,” (2 Corinthians 1:20 ESV)

As the recent local rainstorms poured fervently, many grounds undertook more water than they could hold, resulting in flooded areas. Because of the rising waters, my mind was tempted to run to anxious thoughts. The insurgence of rain affected someone close to me as they cried watching the water enter their humble home. With this gut-wrenching phone call the temptation to run to anxious thoughts was no longer a temptation, but a full-blown affair with anxiety.

I’m a fixer. It’s difficult for me to hear someone’s woes and trials and not attempt to curate a solution to ease their pain and suffering. But sometimes we’re not called to “fix it.” What we are called to do at all times is to: rejoice always (1 Thessalonians 5:16), pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17), give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18), rejoice in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4), do not be anxious about anything (Philippians 4:6), think on what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise (Philippians 4:8), and to count it all joy when we meet trials of various kinds (James 1:2).

These biblical imperatives are not a means to bury our heads in the sand of real-life devastations and griefs. They do not give us a right of passage to judge our suffering and hurting brothers and sisters as they wrestle with the reality of a current fallen world-wreckage. We aren’t to mask the realness of ruins by painting a false narrative that a “blessed” Christian mirrors a rainbow and butterfly life because all you must do is name it and claim it. Insert eyeroll emoji. No. These biblical imperatives should charge us with a desire to nosedive into the depths of scripture. How can I rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances, be anxious for nothing, think on truth, and count it all joy?

We can’t walk in these biblical orders apart from knowing the One Who makes any of these beautiful commands possible. Our holy and good God. The God of the Bible. The God of Genesis. The God of the Old Testament. The God of the Gospels. The God of the New Testament. The God of Revelation. My God is the same God as yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

What I learn and am reminded from scripture daily is that my God is a Promise Keeper.

As the waters rose from multiple days of rain and anxiousness drove its way to the center of my heart, my gracious God led me to truth as He displayed His beautiful bow in the sky radiating candescent colors. My anxiousness didn’t stand a chance against the rainbow invading my God’s skies. His promise to Noah from long ago still stands today.

“I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of the flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth.” And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all future generations: I have set a bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth,” (Genesis 9:11-13 ESV).

During these recent days of rain, it’s not that I feared God was going to lapse in memory of His covenant with Noah—His promise to never flood the earth again, but anxious thoughts of water damage, road closures, and potential wrecks invaded so swiftly. It pains and convicts me that I fall for this trickery of the enemy all too often. These fallings to anxious thoughts affect my reactions to life’s circumstances in a way that is not honoring to my Lord and doesn’t uphold His directions in scripture. It bears rotting fruit of not trusting Him. It reflects a heart that doesn’t reverence His title as Promise Keeper.

It’s with protruding pride that I forget the Promise Keeper title of my Lord. But His bow after the rains reminds me of this truth that will stand until His day of judgment comes to pass. I pray the assurance the rainbow represents mortifies my pride every time my God orders it to shine across His skies.

My God promises many things to His children all through scripture. His promises are fulfilled and without error. Because He is the Promise Keeper, that makes Him trustworthy. When His trustworthiness takes root in our hearts our desire to submit under His beautiful authority should grow without ceasing.

Even when.

Even when our lives are held to the flames. Even when relationships experience division. Even when we’re burying a loved one. Even when the rising waters surround.

Even when.

He is still the Promise Keeper.

Our circumstances change. Sin still tempts. Homes deteriorate. Bodies grow old. Minds forget. But God never-changes and He never breaks His promises to His children. He seals His child for salvation, justifies them, sanctifies them, and glorifies them. God will continuously draw His child close to Himself resulting in continual and life-changing repentance. No matter the outer circumstance, He is committed to His glory by changing us from the inside out with His wonderful beautification process that renders our flesh to pain from time to time.

When we recognize the Lord as Promise Keeper it becomes easier to look past mere earthly circumstances and look to Him. He is outside of our circumstances, yet He is right there with us in our circumstances. He is near to His child. In His forever nearness He continuously gives good gifts to His child. His good gifts are not limited to earthly provisions but aligns with His boundless riches in glory in Jesus Christ. Our Promise Keeper’s oaths are saturated in the heavenly kind. We cannot fathom what He has waiting for us in eternal glory.

My God is:

Promise Keeper, (Hebrews 10:23)

Faithful Father, (Deuteronomy 1:29-31)

Sovereign Salvation, (Jonah 2:9)

Kind King, (Psalm 145:8-9)

Magnificent Maker, (Psalm 104)

Glorious God, (Psalm 19:1)

Loyal Lord, (Deuteronomy 7:9)

Joyous Jehovah, (Zephaniah 3:17)

Radiant Rabbi, (Hebrews 1:3)

Peaceful Prince, (Isaiah 9:6)

Holy Hosanna, (Psalm 22:3-5)

Devoted Deliverer, (Psalm 40:17)

I encourage you to take the time to look up each of these scriptures and commit to continue to grow in knowing more of Who God is through His wonderful Word.  

Here are some of my favorite assurances etched in scripture that my holy God is bound to as Promise Keeper:

“And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus,” (Philippians 4:19 ESV).

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand,” (Isaiah 41:10 ESV).

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away,” (Revelation 21:4 ESV).

“For all the promises of God find their Yes in him. That is why it is through him that we utter our Amen to God for his glory,” (2 Corinthians 1:20 ESV).

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God

Ardently His,

Jess Dennis

Our Sovereign Lord

Sanctification, Trusting God

“For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:16-17 ESV

When I consider my life, I see an abundance of blessings that I don’t deserve even a little bit. I see the mercies of my great God. Yet, still, I contemplate discontentment. I entertain the lie that I deserve more. More of what I ask myself. More excitement in daily life? More time? More space? More accolades for meaningless accomplishments? Just more.

I don’t like it in the headspace of longing for “the more” of life. These notions plagued me recently on a beautiful sunshine day as I played outside with my young daughter. We made our way to our backyard trampoline and looked up at the beautiful blue skies. Above us was an enormous pine tree. As we sat taking in the beauty of the nature designed by our most creative God, I started studying the pinecones and pine needles on the tree overhead. I witnessed several pine needles fall from the tree at different times. My spirit became overwhelmed with the thought that my God ordered those needles to fall from the pines.

My heart and soul were filled with questions to my glorious God. “How many pine needles did you order to this tree?” “How many needles have you told to fall today?” “How many needles are left on this tree?”

Pine needles on a tree stirred my wandering heart to meditate on the sovereignty of my boundless God who authorizes every molecule, dust particle, and pine needle to move.

And if my God Who created the blazing sun, the shining night moon, the stunning stars, sets boundaries for every wave, limits the heights of mountains, numbers the clouds, commands the lightening strikes, and so much more…If He is ceaselessly in tune with His creation so much so that He ordered these pine needles to fall… Then in His sovereignty, He has undeniably ordered my steps to this place in my personal walk with Him.

My God is an intimate, loving, merciful, gracious, personal, trustworthy, and sovereign God.

Over the last decade plus, the Holy Spirit has led me to an endless study on the sovereignty of our magnificent God. I notice when I’m attracted to the world around me and my heart is being seduced by “the more’s” of life, I’m not ruminating in His sovereign ways. My mind and heart are distracted with the clutters of life and I’m neglecting the truth of Who my God is and who I am in Him.

I know I reference this a lot—but what a present reproof is to the believer. It’s a present I want to open daily for the rest of my life. It’s a gift that is so rich and good and aligns our hearts back to truth repeatedly. Praise the Lord for His loving reprimands.

I love John Piper’s definition of Sovereignty and Providence, “God’s sovereignty is His right and power to do all that He decides to do. God’s providence is His wise and purposeful sovereignty.”

So, in God’s sovereignty he has every right and all the power to do as He wills. But, because of the character of God, His providence is displayed through His wise and purposeful sovereignty.

There are so many examples of God’s sovereignty being recognized from saints of the past in scripture, but one that has recently stuck out to me is David’s recognition of God’s sovereignty when King Saul literally spent years chasing him across Isreal with the intentions to murder him out of jealousy.

David had the opportunity more than once to put Saul to death and end the cat and mouse game they had been playing for far too long. When David and his men were sitting in the innermost parts of a cave, and Saul entered the cave to relieve himself, David could have killed Saul right there. Against the words of his men, David, trusting God, chose to only cut a piece of Saul’s robe off rather than assassinate him as most would say he deserved. David says in 1 Samuel 24:6, “The LORD forbid that I should do this thing to my lord, the LORD’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, seeing he is the LORD’s anointed.”

It is evident that David trusts God’s sovereign rule over how long Saul would remain king, God’s current chosen and anointed one. David knows God’s timing is perfect, and he is not called to attempt to intervene with what God has already sovereignly ordained.

This is so encouraging to me. I can’t imagine all that David went through in the years of constant fleeing from Saul’s sword. Can you imagine relentlessly looking over your shoulders? Can you imagine the mental torment trying to figure out who you can trust when the king of the land is set on ending your life? We know from the beautiful Psalms that David wrote during this time that he indeed warred with discontentment and was ailed with many questions to God’s sovereign plan. But, when it came down to David’s heart showing through circumstances, it is evident that the Lord was at work in Him and He was sealed by God’s sovereign protection…and David recognized it.

I want to recognize God’s sovereignty in my life, too. I want God’s sovereignty to be on my mind as soon as I awake in the morning. I want it to be one of the last things I ponder when I close my eyes at night. I want God’s sovereignty to pervade every perspective and decision in my life. I want my life to reflect a heart stance that trusts my God’s sovereign reign over everything.

I want this. However, I must confess, I fail miserably at abiding in Who God is and submitting to His sovereign authority in my life.

But, as I watched the pine needles float seemingly aimlessly through the air to the ground, I was consumed with the notion and truth that they weren’t merely floating aimlessly. Each pine needle was at my sovereign God’s rule. They wouldn’t have loosened from their original place on the tree if God didn’t order them to. If these insignificant pine needles are on my God’s radar and under His authority, then why do I doubt He sees me, His child, and is permanently lovingly governing my life in a way that brings Him the most glory and the best to me? Why is it so easy to doubt and feed unbelief in God’s sovereignty?

Paul writes powerful words influenced by the Holy Spirit that magnifies God’s supremacy over all creation. “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent” (Colossians 1:16-18 ESV).

When we seek God for Who He is and not merely what we want Him to do in our lives, we will discover deep intimacy with our great God. In this intimacy we won’t be able to deny His sovereignty. We will see His sovereign rule stretching from His gift of eternal salvation for His children that He determined before the foundation of the world, to the pine needle falling to the ground. All of it is by Him, through Him, and for Him.

This intimacy we discover will no doubt deepen our trust in our wonderful Lord. Though, on this side of glory, we will never understand so many mysteries of God, our lives, or the wonders of heaven, but we can rest in knowing He is sovereign in the mysteries. He is sovereign in our heartaches, tears, and griefs. He knows what ails us. He knows the griefs that may silently consume us at times. He knows each tear that has left our eyes. In fact, He has them numbered. David writes in Psalm 56:8, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” Oh, what sweet intimacy the Lord offers His children as He displays His ardent love for us.

Though the depths of God’s perfect design will never be comprehended to its full capacity in the here and now, we also know from scripture that God is sovereign even over sin. This does not purport that God causes or condones sin. But He is sovereign over it as He’s not surprised by our many sins. He even uses our sin for our good and His glory. Paul writes in Romans 8:28, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” What a gracious and grand Heavenly Father we have that He uses even the darkest, most secret parts of our heart and actions and uses it for His divine glory.

The Psalmist writes of our God’s divine sovereignty in Psalm 135, “For I know that the LORD is great, and that our LORD is above all gods. Whatever the LORD pleases, he does, in heaven and on earth, in the seas and all deeps. He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses” (Psalm 135:5-7 ESV).

If you find yourself in wanderings of the heart and being tantalized by the fading sparkle of the world as you question God’s plans for your current lot in life, I want to encourage you to immerse yourself in the truth of God’s sovereignty. Soak in His scriptures and ask Him to reveal His sovereignty in every Bible reading and in every area of your life. As believers, our fleeting lives are not about us, but all about our glorious God who set His affections on us though we reek of total depravity. His affections for us burned with absolute commitment to His glory as He planned for us to remain with Him for eternity by sending His Son Jesus to live sinlessly, undergo crucifixion, and bear the holy wrath of God to atone for the sins of the saints. Our God is good. Our God is merciful to those He chooses to show mercy. Our God is just to those He doesn’t show mercy to. Our God is sovereign over all, and all is unto His glory.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God

Ardently His,

Jess Dennis

I Am Weak

Sanctification, Trusting God

“…My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”

 (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV)

You’re weak.

I’m weak.

We’re all just a bunch of weak humans.

We’re not special.

We’re not elite.

We’re not superhuman.

We’re really nothing but dust, dirt, and depravity.

I’m not writing to the masses on this one, so if you’re easily offended, you’ll probably stop reading. But, if weakness is something you’ve learned to embrace, welcome.

Confession: I despise “feeling” weak. I don’t like to feel physically weak, so I lift weights regularly. I don’t like appearing weak by “needing” something from someone. My pride can consume my convictions over things that require me to display weakness or any form of submission that resembles weakness from a cultural world view.

Though we’re all born weak and helpless, we live in a world that assumes we outgrow that weakness and helplessness. But do we? Obviously we grow physically and most don’t remain as a helpless infant, but we never truly outgrow our innate human weakness that marks us as a creation.

Oxford Languages defines weakness as: “the state or condition of lacking strength.” Similar words include: frailty, feebleness, fault, flaw, defect, deficiency.

I am frail. I am feeble. I am faulted. I am flawed. I am defected. I have many deficiencies. I am weak.

I am a created human. That means I have a Creator.

My great, un-created Creator is the One True God, The Alpha and the Omega, Elohim, El Shaddai, Jehova-Jireh, Adonai.

My Creator is Yahweh.

My Creator chose me in Him before He even created this world (Ephesians 1:4). My Creator knitted me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). My Creator gives me each breath (Isaiah 42:5). My salvation came from my Creator and belongs to my Creator (Jonah 2:9).  My Creator helps me (Psalm 121:2). My Creator keeps me (Psalm 121:7-8). My Creator is with me (Isaiah 41:10). My Creator strengthens me (Isaiah 41:10). My Creator upholds me (Isaiah 41:10).

I am nothing without my great Creator.

I am weak without my great, wondrous, powerful, merciful, and strong Creator.

In a world that scoffs at weakness, I pray as a sister-in-Christ you relish in your weaknesses, knowing our sovereign and glorious God welcomes our weaknesses so His grace can shine with sufficiency.

In 2 Corinthians 12 we get to see a beautiful illustration of the apostle Paul boasting about his weakness. He starts out matching his adversary’s boasts about spiritual experiences by sharing he’s had visions and revelations from the Lord and was even caught up to the third heaven and heard things that cannot be told, or uttered. But even with this glorious “experience,” he ends with boasting in his weaknesses.

“On behalf of this man I will boast, but on my own behalf I will not boast, except of my weaknesses—though if I should wish to boast, I would not be a fool, for I would be speaking the truth; but I refrain from it, so that no one may think more of me than he sees in me or hears from me. So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me” (2 Corinthians 12:5-8 ESV).

The Lord sovereignly gave Paul a thorn in the flesh. This “thorn” proved to weaken Paul in some way. We’re not given exact details of this thorn, but many Bible scholars presume it to be an internal mental or emotional struggle, a particular temptation, a physical ailment, or a demonic harassment. But we really don’t know.

It doesn’t really matter what the “thorn” was, because we have the Lord’s answer to Paul when the Lord, in His goodness, chose not to remove this “thorn.”

The Lord told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV).

My weakness has a purpose.

Your weakness has a purpose.

God’s power will be made perfect through our weaknesses—whether those weaknesses are spiritual, emotional, physical, circumstantial, or a particular sin we’re struggling with—we have the grace of our almighty Creator sufficing our weaknesses.

Like me, you’re probably taking a mental note of all of your weaknesses right now. I encourage you to allow God’s grace to shower you rather than shame or guilt with the lies of never measuring up. The truth is we weren’t created to “measure up.” We were created to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. What better way to do that than to know the God Who Created you and all things? The more we know Him, the more we love Him. The more we love Him, the more we trust Him. The more we trust Him, the more we can embrace our weaknesses as creation. The more we embrace our weaknesses as creation, the more we should acknowledge and ascribe glory to our perfect Creator Whose grace is radically sufficient for us and Whose power is magnificently perfected in our weaknesses.

I yearn to respond like Paul when weaknesses intensify and circumstances appear unsatisfactory in my life, and yet, the Lord in His sovereignty chooses not to remove these “thorns.”

“…Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.

Ardently His,

Jess Dennis

2024 Reflection

Sanctification, Trusting God

“But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit” (2 Corinthians 3:16-18, ESV)

The end of a year and the beginning of a new—It’s as if most of us have “reflection time” marked on our calendars on these end of the year days leading to what we all hope to be a fresh start as a new year dawns, forcing our brains to overpower our hand as we begin the task of writing the numbers of a new year. My mental make-up is one of constant reflection. I feel blessed to have a desire for consistent growth, crushing goals of all kinds, and being in competition with my best competitor—myself. It’s no surprise that reflection time saturates my mind even more on these last days of the year. So reflection time it is.

As a Christ follower—my reflection is centered on my growth and walk toward Christ’s image in all the details of my life.

In reflection of this year, words like; order, acceptance, surrender, obedience, love, and joy invade my mind. My flesh has experienced a slaying to an extent I had not yet experienced, reaching deeply to matters of the heart. My God has orchestrated my life in such a way that His order has been despised in the trenches of warring with my flesh. But my God didn’t leave me there in the trenches, resenting where He ordered me. No, no, not my good Father, who loves, claims, and corrects. And for that, my soul soars in absolute praise to My God. My God in whom my flesh wars to steal His glory in my life, but because of the work of my Savior at the cross and the continued work of the Holy Spirit inside of me, I am engulfed with strength to endure and persevere.

“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. For, “Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but those who have faith and preserve their souls” (Hebrews 10:36-39).

There was a season not long ago, I screamed in anger and anguish at so many uncontrollable things happening in my daily life. The hatred and contempt from another my life was experiencing was enough for me to want to flee. I wanted to run. I wanted to hide. I wanted to escape. I wanted to un-commit to what I committed to. I wanted to fashion my flesh in a sweater of self-pity. I wanted to parade my pride in the streets rather than punish it. My reactions to this internal trial were ones of voicing my rendered anger that teetered toward hatred. But wait, I’m a Christian. Shouldn’t I react in love? Shouldn’t I react in righteousness? Shouldn’t I be ready to obey the words I claim I’d die for? But here was my opportunity to die to myself and to live in the way my God instructs and I was choosing to drop my sword of the spirit and pick up my pride and hold it all too close. Comforting it with the milk this fatal world offers. Have you been there? My sister-in-Christ, we don’t have to stay there. We don’t! Christ took this with Him to His death on the wooden cross for all who were established as children of God before the foundations of the world. As Christ-followers we are no longer bound to sin, nor are we controlled by our flesh.

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1-4).

During this deep and dark internal battle sparked from an external circumstance, my sweet husband—full of the love and wisdom of the Lord—asked me something that awakened truth inside of me to new heights. “Is God sovereign? Or is He not? Is God good? Or is He not?” In my self-centered, pride-adorning, flesh-flexing, temper-tantrum, I shuddered at his question. He rose up to defend a sovereign, good, righteous, loving God, while I melted in a whirlwind of immature selfishness. Can I just take a second and praise my God for allowing me to do life with a man who stands on these truths in love and gentleness, but with a boldness only empowered by the Holy Spirit!

I go back to this moment often. It has been a pivotal mark in this specific sanctification journey. Of course my God is sovereign! Of course my God is good! Just because we don’t understand something or are being wronged by another, doesn’t mean our God isn’t sovereignly in control and continually expressing His goodness through each and every ordered circumstance our lives experience. Okay, so this light-bulb moment set me on a journey of accepting what my God had ordered for my life in this season. But it wasn’t enough to just accept a circumstance that I couldn’t control. I had to surrender to the sanctification journey my God prepared for me.

With the daily surrender to let go of what my flesh craved came the hard work of obedience in daily details and matters of the heart. But, not an un-biblical, righteous, pharisaical, fulfilling of rules or laws to “stay saved” kind of obedience—no, no, it went much deeper. My spirit was awakened to the beauty of obedience and the joy that erupts in our souls from walking in obedience to our sovereign and Holy God.

“For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?” (1 John 5:3-5).

My God loves me—though there is nothing lovable about me accept Christ’s atoning work at the cross—Because of God’s love and mercy abounding in my life, I want to honor Him. I want to please Him with my life. This brings forth an out of this world understanding of God’s love, followed by a radiating joy that is only culminated with a genuine relationship with Jesus.

This year I began pursuing the joy of my salvation again. Though the joy was never taken away—I just stopped relishing in it. I stopped meditating on the truth of my eternal status. I stopped holding it close and centering the gospel in my every-second-of-the-day moments. I experienced a renewed love flourishing in my soul that only comes from obeying the Word of God and delighting in Biblical truth.

The hidden sin, the wrong motives, and the matters of the heart that the Holy Spirit revealed to me through meditating on God’s Word this year have become treasures that have nursed my hurting soul and crushed spirit. These jewels of truth have slain my perfectionist tendencies. These gems laced in glory have demolished the handcuffs I’ve strutted for years. My God is worthy of EVERY area of my life. My God is worthy of EVERY area of my mind. My God is worthy of EVERY area of my heart. Not just the crumbs of what I sinfully give Him at times…just enough to ‘look’ the part. I am nothing without my sweet Savior. His merciful and continued correction marks the believer with His love.

“My son, do not despise the LORD’S discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights” (Proverbs 3:11-12).

I want to encourage you to have a 2024 reflection time if you haven’t already. Ponder the matters of the heart. Those deep places where wrong motives root, deceit rises, jealousy grows, sinful thoughts fester, and miniscule manipulations come to life. Those secret places that no one knows about, except you and our Holy God, are still to be put to death with the help from the Holy Spirit.   

My prayer for you and I—is that right now and as we enter into a new year—we have a hunger for God’s Word like we’ve never experienced before. Lord, I pray you give us an unearthly craving to be sanctified and stand firm against every detail of sin in our lives. Lord, help us not to be satisfied in conversations that reek of gossip and slanderous speech. I pray Lord, that You make us detest every utterance of complaints that leaves our lips. Give us a great yearning to chase after holiness in every area of our lives. Father, God, I pray You give us a longing to honor You and this longing takes precedence over any other New Year’s goals we may have. Encourage us with Your Holy Spirit as we are being transformed into the image of Your Son, Jesus. Help us to find a never-ending joy in the eternal salvation You’ve gifted us with through Jesus’ sacrifice. Lord I pray you embed a deep desire in us to spread the gospel to all who will listen. May we continually find profound hope in the waiting for Your second coming our Lord and Savior, in Jesus Name. Amen.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.

Ardently His,

Jess Dennis

Don’t Forget to Take the Trash Out

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I walked into the kitchen and bee-lined for the black trashcan. I was holding several items that needed to be thrown away—a crumbled up water bottle, a Barbie package my daughter needed to dispose of, and some old receipts I found at the bottom of my purse. I opened the lid and to my dismay the trash was full. So what did I do? You guessed it. I shoved my newly trash items in the full trashcan. When it didn’t seem to budge, I just kept on shoving. I mean the trash was running the next morning, so I wanted to fill it to the brim before taking it out.

Let’s talk trash.

I know I’m not the only one who shoves so much trash in the can before taking it out. Disclaimer: I have a self-diagnosed cleaning disorder, so my trash may be filled to the top of the can, but it’s not overflowing to the floor. And it doesn’t stink. So it’s fine, right?

You can deny it all you want—but I know you do this too. It seems to be human nature to get away with piling as much trash up as we can before taking it out.

Why do we do this?

Is it laziness? Do we want to conserve as many trash bags as possible? For me, at times it turns into a mental game. How much can I get in the bag before I take it out? Then, I can have a fresh bag in the trashcan for as long as possible with no trash living in it. I’m sure I sound a level of neurotic right now. But, don’t you feel satisfied when the trash is finally taken out and you have the fresh bag residing around the can, untouched, so fresh, exuding purity and, cleanliness?

If I’m this obsessed with the trash in the can, how much more should I be concerned with the trash that pollutes my spiritual life?

Can we go there?

Let’s keep talking trash.

You can’t see every item in the can making up the trash. Not every item dispels an odor. But we know it is trash because it was discarded. Not everyone can see the trash (aka sin) polluting our spiritual lives. Not every sin dispels an offensive odor that all those around us could call garbage in our lives. No, no… sin can appear much more innocent than that. It fact, instead of looking like trash, it can resemble treasure or success in the eyes of the world. But as Christ followers we need to be bold enough to call out the sin in our own lives, no matter how innocent it appears at first or no matter how justified our flesh feels in our sin.

Imagine living in a garbage can. Imagine the disgust. Imagine the filth, the odor, the rodents, and the creepy crawlies living with you. Imagine death overcoming you because you couldn’t survive living in the trash. It makes you shudder, doesn’t it? That is what sin is to our spiritual life. For my Christ-following readers—you may be thinking that’s not you. In a prideful moment, I’d say the same, but I’d be lying. With entering a new year less than twelve hours ago, I’m desperately craving transparency and authenticity in my sanctification journey with my Savior.

If you’re on my friend’s list on social media—you may have seen my highlight reel of life throughout this last year. While those highlights are truth and I’ve no doubt experienced an abundance of blessings… Like many of you, I’ve also experienced a myriad of minor valleys. Though minor, the valleys left me feeling less than. It led me to act in anger and frustration. My heart experienced a level of hardening, and I fought against rebelling in certain areas. I secretly questioned the sovereignty of God through selfish temper tantrums. I questioned my visibility and value from those around me. Not one of the above reflected the image of my Savior. So, I’ll call it what it was—sin.

But, no one knew these particular sins I failed to surrender in my own power this year.

My sin was quieter than the drug addict down the street. My sin wasn’t harming anyone like the murderer in the big city. In my un-surrendered and let’s be honest, un-repented sin—I was still loving toward my family, I still showed up at church, I still worshipped my God—but it was there. Like the trash piled in the trashcan wasn’t really a big deal because it wasn’t overflowing to the floor and it didn’t really stink—my flesh wanted to argue that my sin wasn’t really that big of a deal either because it wasn’t visible to anyone in my life or truly affected others. So, I just kept shoving more anger down and my heart got a little more hardened and no one knew.

It’s fine. It’s fine. Everything’s fine.

Until it’s not.

Until you go to take the trash out (that wasn’t that bad) and the trash bag rips, expelling trash all over the floor. Now everyone can see all the hidden trash. I bet hidden odors even erupt through the air. There’s no hiding all of the trash now.

The Holy Spirit is continually urging me away from my sinful tendencies. This year, I was confronted with a side of myself that scares me. I can see how much pride and anger are lurking in me. It’s been there for thirty-three years, no doubt, but God used an uncharted situation in my life this year, to dig it out. Though, I’ve allowed sin to raid my thoughts and secret emotions this year—no more. With the help of the Holy Spirit, I vow to surrender all that doesn’t reflect Christ and continually take the trash out—dumping away the darkness that fogs my thoughts and attempts to steer my emotions toward sinful action. My prayer is—you will do the same…over and over and over…until we are perfected with Christ in glory.

As Christ-follower’s, we are called to be different. Our thoughts are supposed to be different than the world’s thoughts. We are called to react to situations differently. We don’t look like the lost world around us. Just as the Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians, “Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!—assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:17-24 ESV).

I pray you no longer walk in the futility of your mind. I pray you are no longer darkened in your understanding. I pray you are no longer alienated from the life of God.

Let’s not keep shoving down the trash from 2022.

2023—New Year—Same Jesus.

Don’t forget to take the trash out.

I Trust my God. I Trust my God. I Trust my God.

When the Fruit Bowl is Empty

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My mouth watered as the aroma of coffee filled my nostrils. It was early morning. The house was quiet and dark. Early morning is my favorite part of the day. My mind is sharp, my body is most alive, my spirit rejoices in a new day. As my favorite coffee mug, marked with the words “But first Jesus” was filling up, my eyes darted around the kitchen. Low growls from my stomach signaled my eyes to the fruit bowl on the end of the counter. It was full. Beautiful bright yellow bananas lay neatly against ripe avocados. I smiled with relief. The fruit bowl was full. The fruit in the bowl was healthy and ready to be devoured. Too many times I rush in and out of the grocery store and forget the family fruit. Too many times I am not paying attention to the fruit in the bowl and it rots before enjoyment.

Not today though, the fruit was full and thriving.

As I carefully picked out the best looking yellow banana to enjoy with my morning coffee the Holy Spirit began convicting me. I was so excited about the fruit bowl being full and honestly proud of myself for keeping up with its goodness. The sweet conviction regarding my recent lack of concern with my spiritual fruit was blindingly clear.

Can I take a second and stake claim on God’s goodness—I LOVE moments like this. The Holy Spirit can and will use anything in our daily lives to continue to pursue us deeper. It’s not like I’d been running from the Lord or was hiding some secret sin or anything of the sort. But, if I’m being honest I hadn’t been living out the fruits of the spirit as of late. My mind went back to several moments in the past week. I was not gentle in my words toward my children—impatience won. I was not loving my husband the way I know the Lord’s Word instructs me to. My peace and joy wavered on my comfortability. When the house was too messy or chaotic I was not patient or kind. Don’t even get me started on when my plan for the day or week was interrupted—I did not act in a self-controlled manner. Without the manifestations of these fruits my spiritual fruit of faithfulness and goodness were buried.

I’m sure you’ve heard the term, “one bad apple spoils the whole bunch.” As this is true for the fruit sitting in our fruit bowls on our kitchen counters, the same notion can be applied to the spiritual fruits in our lives.

Galatians 5:22-24 speaks of the fruits of the spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. When we’re not keeping step with the spirit in just one of these fruit bearing areas it affects the other fruits of the spirit. If I’m not meeting my family with patience, how am I loving them well? If I’m not loving them well, my joy will fade. Without my joy there will be no peace. Without peace there goes my self-control, gentleness, kindness, goodness and faithfulness. They’re all connected and intertwined.

It’s a war.

It’s a constant battle between our flesh and our spirit.

It’s an impossible battle to win on our own. Thank God we’re not alone in this pursuit of daily victory to bear the beautiful God glorifying ripe fruits of the spirit.

“But I say, walk in the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do” (Galatians 5:16-17, ESV). Paul is laying it out in these scriptures the life long battle of keeping in step with the spirit. When we are in Christ we should be repulsed by the things of this world; “sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies…and those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:19-21, ESV).

I read this list and want to immediately put on my Pharisee cloak and holier than thou response of “that’s not me, I don’t do those things.” But then my best friend—Holy Spirit—comes knocking on my heart and gently nudges me to look in the mirror (spiritually speaking). My face reddens with embarrassment as I admit my battles with levels of idolatry—the need to fit in, the desire to be seen, the idolatry of self. I realize how I’ve allowed division in my home when being vulnerable feels too hard to do at times. Or what about scrolling through social media and envy arises when I see another woman’s perfect figure, glowing hair, or seemingly perfect life? What about that burst of anger I recently had in secret because something didn’t go my way?

When we shrug off these seemingly insignificant opponents of the spirit and character of God we can quickly become complacent. Our fruit begins to have a rotten spot. But our flesh argues that it’s just one rotted spot. We’re still good, it’s not that bad. So we continue in our anger, strife, jealousy or idolatry ways until before we know it all of the fruit in the bowl is full of rot and reeks of disgust.

I.Need.Jesus

Every.Day

All.Day

“And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24, ESV).

Those who belong to Christ Jesus…

These words excite my spirit and calms my over anxious flesh. I don’t have to figure it out on my own. I don’t have to strive in my own power to stay in step with the Spirit. I am in Christ. Paul writes about the spiritual blessing we have in Christ when we are in Christ. “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth” (Ephesians 1:3-10, ESV).  

What life giving news. Even though I know this truth, it still amazes me on the days when my flesh rages war on the Spirit and my steps may not align with the Spirit. I don’t have to stay in that place. You don’t have to stay in that place. We have a loving, big, Heavenly God who chose another way for us. We don’t have to succumb to a life of anger and confusion. We don’t have to question every aspect of our lives—surrender. Surrender the bad day, the intense season—ask Jesus into it. Ask Him to reveal Himself, to immerse Himself and change you from the inside out. The most exciting thing about having a relationship with Jesus Christ is the never-ending growth He pursues us to. We have much to rejoice about as children and heirs of Christ.

When my fruit bowl appears empty or I can sense rotted spots in my fruit (spiritually speaking)—I will keep running to the truth of God’s word. I pray you do the same my friend. I pray you surrender where you are and walk by the spirit, steadily and continuously putting to death the desires of the flesh and yielding beautiful God-glorifying fruit all the days of your life.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.

Momma, How Did Daddy Cody Go To Heaven?

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“Momma, can I ask you a question?” I heard my five-year-old say. I closed my eyes and patiently replied, “yes.” This had to have been the 27th question in the last ten minutes.

“Okay, momma, can you turn the music off and come sit with me.” Her tone changed. I put my makeup brush down, paused my worship playlist on my phone and turned my attention to my daughter who sat on the bathroom floor drawing. (disclaimer—she likes to be right next to me in the mornings getting ready for school and work, so I let her draw or color on the bathroom floor while I get ready.) Her eyes were curious. She pointed to the small area in front of her, silently asking me to sit with her again. I sat.

“Momma, how did my Daddy Cody go to heaven?”

Silence.

I had known this was coming. I had been preparing myself for this conversation for about two years. Heaven is not a new topic for us. She knows Heaven is our forever home. She’s asked many questions about her Daddy Cody who went to Heaven when she was 8-months old. She understands he’s not here and he is in Heaven with Jesus. But she hadn’t put together that there has to be a physical aspect of dying to get to Heaven.

I hesitated. She’s five. I don’t want to tell her too much. But I want to tell her truth. I asked what exactly she meant? “What happened for him to go to Heaven?” she repeated. “Jesus just came down and got him, and poof, he’s gone?” she questioned.

I almost giggled at her detailed analysis. “Didn’t something happen to him for him not to be here?” she asked again.

“Yes,” I replied. “Do you think you’re ready for this conversation?” She immediately nodded her head, yes.

As tears formed in my eyes, I grabbed her hand and asked the Holy Spirit for help before beginning the toughest conversation of her five years.

“Daddy Cody went fishing one night on the lake we lived on. We had a small boat he would use when he went fishing. He texted me to let me know he was almost done and going to be headed in soon. Momma fell asleep with you and woke up hours later and he wasn’t in bed. So, I got up and went through the house. No sign of him. I started calling and texting him. No response. I went out to the pier with a flashlight, and I couldn’t see or hear anything. Momma didn’t really know what to do so I decided to wait until morning, so I could see better. I thought he went to a friends house around the lake and maybe his phone ran out of battery.” I paused. “What happened next, mommy?” she asked.  

I took a deep breath and began again, “I waited until morning, and when I still couldn’t see anything, I called a neighbor and they got on boats and went across the lake. When they returned with no news, I called 911 for help. They sent someone called a Game Warden with a big boat and equipment that can see under water to scan the lake. The boat looked all day, but they couldn’t find him.”

“Where did he go, what happened to him?” she asked. “We didn’t know exactly what happened,” I responded. “The Game Warden looked for 5 days before they found daddy in the water.”

“Five days, that’s a long time!” she exclaimed. “Yes, baby it is.”

“But what happened to him for him to go to Heaven?” she asked.

I replied, “Daddy somehow tipped the boat and went under the cold water and couldn’t get out.”

She leaned over and brushed the tears off my face. “But daddy trusted God, so he went to Heaven?” she stated.

“Yes, baby, daddy trusted God, so he is in Heaven now.”

Her curiosity continued as she asked, “But what happens when someone has no more days left on earth and they didn’t trust God?”

With this question I was able to explain that as real as Heaven is-so is a place called hell, and how our enemy, the devil schemes to turn people away from Jesus.

“Mommy, I’m going to trust God all of my life so I can go to Heaven one day too! And Daddy Cody will be there to hug me!” she said.

It’s conversations like these that plunge the reality of life and death, and heaven and hell to the forefront of my mind. How am I living my life? Am I using every aspect of my life to glorify my Creator? On the really hard days I daydream of Heaven. I wonder about the glorious colors I’ve never seen before, the beautiful worship I’ve never heard before. I daydream about being face to face with Jesus. The absolute peace and all-consuming joy it would be. And then I remember Cody is there. I remember his beautiful worship on earth- I can’t wait to see him worship in Heaven. The sadness of the loss, the trauma of the loss dissipates a little more with each thought and wonder of Heaven.

This is not my eternal home.

Heaven is.

Jesus tells us in John 14, “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.” Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.” (1-7)

Do you ever think about Heaven? I mean really think about Heaven? Think of the most breathtaking landscape you’ve seen on earth and multiply that by infinity and I guarantee it doesn’t come close to the beauty in Heaven. Imagine your most healthy, productive, joy filled and peaceful day and multiply that by infinity and I wonder if that compares to our heavenly bodies and minds. I can’t fathom. But it excites me knowing there is so much more than the brokenness of this current life.

Peter states in 1 Peter 1:3-9, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.”

Nothing can tarnish or extinguish the secure inheritance we have reserved in Heaven with Christ as our Lord and when we recognize Him as the One who took on death, to give us eternal life. Our faith is purified through our earthly trials. I pray your faith finds no falter through your present sufferings. I pray your mind stays eternally focused, knowing this life is a blink of an eye compared to eternity.

Paul writes in Colossians 3:1-3, “If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”

I’ve learned so much through loss. The Lord has revealed more of Himself to me during my darkest moments. When tough conversations or grief moments arise I’ll keeping choosing to set my mind on Heaven and the glory that waits. I choose to see life over death.

Happy 5 years in the Heavens, Cody Lusk. I’m thankful for you, and the life we created. You will forever be in my heart. 1.14.2017

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.

Face to Face with Evil

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For 15 years your face has haunted me. The memory of your touch can still make my body tremble in terror. I can still feel your lips on my neck, breathing, and spewing disgusting profanity. I can feel your hands around my neck choking me. I can feel you jabbing something in my side through your oversized coat, telling me it was a gun. I can see us struggling in the middle of the store. You were pulling me to the front door, and I saw your car parked with the back door slightly ajar. Imagine my fear with the startling realization you were trying to take me. I can still hear your voice demanding me to undress. In an instant I am back in this dark moment. The moment I came face to face with evil for the first time in my life. You changed me this day. You took something from me. You took a part of my innocence. You took my ability to see anything but good in people. You took some of my fearless nature. You could have walked in that store taken the money and fled. But you chose to do so much more. You chose to be aggressive. You chose to hurt me. You chose to traumatize me. You chose to keep taking it further. I begged you to stop. I remember looking at you and pleading with you, I just wanted to see my mommy again. I was a child. I was 16 years old. You told me to shut up. You have been the star in my nightmares for 15 years. And I’m weeping as I type this because after all of this, I am the lucky one. Now look what you’ve done… A man, a hero, a husband, a daddy, is fighting for his life because he came across your evilness too.

You may have taken all of this from me, but you helped give me something that day too. I saw the power of my God. After you had the money, the others locked in the office, and ample access to the safe, you didn’t choose to leave. You demanded the other employees to stay in the office. I can still hear your voice and profane words demanding I take my clothes off. You still had me by the neck from behind, still steadily jabbing a “gun” into my side and threatening me with it. I remember I hadn’t seen the gun. In that moment I thought I’d rather be shot than raped and you rip my innocence from me. I remember a million thoughts in my mind. And then a name came to the forefront of my mind.

That name was Jesus.

Who is the most powerful of names? Jesus.

In this dark moment, in the midst of evil, my faith was awakened. I had always believed in God, and walked with God. But this moment God came down to me. He became more real to me than I’d ever experienced before.

“Jesus, Jesus, Jesus”. I began to whisper. I remember a boldness rising up in me when that name left my lips. “JESUS, JESUS, JESUS”, I repeated over and over. At some point I broke free from your grasp and domineering hold over me. I was standing face to face with you as I continued calling on my Jesus.

My fear fled.

But you, you looked fearful at this Name. You’ve known this Name. The demonic imps that were inside of you in that moment—they knew that Name. And you fled the scene.

I remember shaking uncontrollably. I remember running into the office and falling into the safety of the others. I remember wanting my mommy so badly. I knew my life wasn’t going to be the same. I had no idea how much this event would not only haunt me, but grow me. Oh but the haunting was so overwhelming. I hated that you have showed up in my mind night after night for 15 years. I get scared at an unexpected ring of the doorbell. I am shaken with instant fear if someone comes up behind me like you did that fateful morning in February 2006. My people know how serious I am about that silly scare tactic—you took the silliness out of it, and replaced it with an immediate survival mode that arises in me at even the mere thought of danger.

When you fled the scene that February morning in Houston County, Texas you began a chase with law enforcement. You were caught by a spike strip in Anderson County. The months turned into a year as we prepared for trial. I can still see you in the court room. You didn’t even appear remorseful. It was excuse after excuse. I remember being so angry that you claimed you did all of this because of PTSD issues from serving in the war. But then you gave an innocent 16-year old girl a lifetime of PTSD because of your aggressive and evil actions. None of it made sense to me. And the day of sentencing… The day it was official… you were going to lose 10 years of freedom, you rose up from your chair in the courtroom, guards’ appeared immediately as you demanded to speak to me. The look on your face was so distorted and scary.

But what you don’t know is during those 10 years I delved deeper and deeper into my relationship with God. He took me on a path of forgiveness. Though you haunted and tormented me in my night terrors, I continued to pray for you. I continued my journey of forgiveness. I wrote a half dozen letters to you (knowing I would never ever send them) but it was a part of my letting go of this traumatic event. The letters surrounded forgiveness. I found forgiveness in my heart for you. I saw the evil that overtook you, and honestly I began to pity you. I can still see your mama in the courthouse. I can see her with her eyes closed awaiting her turn to take the stand. I can hear her humming no doubt an old hymn. I could sense the anguish. I’ve prayed for your mama too.

I often feared retaliation for helping send you to prison. That fear would rear its ugly head throughout the years. While you were in prison I grew up. I married, and was living my life. Then I got the phone call from the District Attorney at the time of trial stating you were out, and living in Palestine. I remember being shaken up. But I also had so much hope that you had found freedom and Jesus during your time away. We were now living in the same small town. I wondered what I would be like running into you or if you found me. I knew you had found me that day in 2018 when I woke up to a Facebook Friend Request from you. I remember rising up in bed. I remember opening and closing my eyes trying to determine if this was one of my many nightmares. Nope. I was awake. I remember throwing my phone in fear at just seeing your face and name- DeArthur Pinson- right there on my phone. I wept in my bed, turning into a scared little girl again. My thoughts went to my little girl sleeping in the next room. All my fears weren’t just about me anymore. I had someone to protect.

I look back over the last 15 years and shudder from the anxiety attacks, all of the secret fears I fight daily. In the same thoughts I have an overwhelming thankfulness my God showed up in the midst of the attack. I know the ending could have easily been so different for me.

Just this week, you met me in my nightmares once again. For what seemed liked the millionth time. Your presence was overwhelming in my mind. I’ve been on alert all week, more so than usual. Imagine my surprise to wake up Saturday morning with your face plastered all over my social media newsfeed, opening the wounds I’ve tried to mend. My heart palpitating out of my chest reading what you had done. My prayers for you to change hadn’t come to pass. The evil was rampart. The thought of you on the run struck me to my core. My heart was ripped knowing the physical pain you’ve now caused a man, and the emotional pain you’ve caused his beautiful family and community. Your face, the face that has haunted me for 15 years was being shared all over. Now everyone can see the face that has visited me in the night. It’s heavy, these emotions, this trauma feeling… It’s hard to even put into words.

But I do know one thing… You will no longer haunt me. You will no longer be the root of fear over my life. You will no longer have power over me or my mind. My flesh is raging with anger of the cowardly way you chose to end things. Taking your life brings no justice to this now hurting family. But then selfishly I am eased, knowing if you couldn’t overcome the evil that lurked in you—at least now you’re not here to hurt someone else. For years I have faced the fear of the possibility of seeing you again and now once and for all I can lay that fear to rest. So many emotions, it’s so heavy. I have to remind myself of Ephesians 6:12, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

You do not win. I vow this chapter is closed. The enemy will no longer use your face to illuminate fear over me. I am not a victim, but an overcomer with Christ in me.

Now your face doesn’t have to be hidden in my mind, because everyone knows your face too. In some indescribable way that brings freedom to my soul and spirit. I didn’t even know how bound up I still was until this. But freedom reigns.

Now I will spiritually stand in the gap for the pain you’ve caused Trooper Chad Walker, his family, community and the community of law enforcement. The evil of man is real, but the power and redemption of my God is real and much more powerful than any evil.

As I sit here and type these words, feeling the fresh wind blow on my face, I am overwhelmed with life and love. You didn’t take that from me. And now you no longer have the ability to take anything from another innocent human. Now you’re spending eternity answering for your actions and I pity your soul.

To Trooper Walker and your family I am declaring Numbers 6:24-26 over you and all effected by this recent tragic event, “May the LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.”

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.

When Your Scars Bleed

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If grief were a person…. It’d be you.

Grief would be handsome.

Grief would be strong.

Grief would be full of life.

Grief would be you.

Some days when your memory is just too strong I jump in my red SUV and drive. Then I drive some more. Sometimes I blast Worship music and sing to the Heavens that is now your home. But sometimes I listen to our songs. Sometimes I listen to bad rap music and I force myself to let the anger out. Sometimes I just drive and cry. Today was one of those days. I could feel you in the passenger seat. I could feel your presence. Your overwhelming, undeniable, all-consuming presence. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch your face. To feel your strong hands and arms around me. But then I force myself to shake away the thoughts that will inevitably send me into a dark spiral of emotions.

It’s been 3.5 years. Yet some days it feels like yesterday. Every time I feel strong and steady in my new life I’m knocked down with triggers of you, us, our life, the good and bad. It is literally all consuming. I still… after 3.5 years wake up looking for you… reaching for you. Sometimes I wear your deodorant to bed just to smell you near. That is so weird, I know, I know. But loss and grief make you do weird things.

I’ve grown a lot these last 3 years. I wonder if you’d even recognize the woman I am. Almost every big decision I’ve made since you’ve been gone, I see your face. I wonder if you’d be proud. I wonder so many things. I wonder when I will be able to let you go. I wonder when your memory will fade so much so that I can truly allow someone else in. I wonder. I wonder so many things.

I feel selfish. I see other’s lives move on. Marriages, babies, family vacations, and in some ways I feel so stuck in the past. I know where my mind goes isn’t healthy at times. But this journey is just that- a journey. Some days I get it right and I’m strong and can inspire others to be strong during life’s tragedies. But then there are the days I’m crumbling inside. The days I take out my grief box and I delve in. “Missing you comes in waves, and tonight I’m drowning”. Some days I have to allow myself to drown in you.

My scars are bleeding. My heart is throbbing with pain and love. My mind is jumbled with confusion and frustration, anger, but acceptance. Grief is literally a million emotions and thoughts mangled together. It changes you. Sometimes I’m thankful for the change. Other times I hate who I’ve become because I’ve forced myself to be cold and uncaring.

Tonight I’m drowning. Tonight my scars are bleeding.

I know I’ll see you again. But I want “again” to be right now. I want to hit your chest with my small fists. I want to run into your strong arms. I want to scream into your ears. I just simply want you. I want to go back in time and change so many things. All we needed was a little more time to get things right. I could see us flourishing. But we ended too soon and I will never understand that part. But I have to force myself to choose every day to accept it.

I know God has an amazing plan for my life. A plan that somehow had to include all of this. It had to include all of the scars I carry.

I remember July 4, 2012 like it was yesterday. The day I met you. That morning I woke up from a dream crying. I dreamt I was a mother. I dreamt of a little blonde haired, blue eyed girl, holding me and whispering in my ear that she loved me. That was the day a seed was planted and I had an overwhelming desire to be a mother. Looking back on that dream, it was our baby girl holding me and whispering “I Love You”. God gave me that dream, I have no doubt.

Now she’s 4 years old, vivacious, full of life and creativity. She’s a part of you, but without you.

She doesn’t remember anything about you.

It’s like a whole other life I lived. A life that only I remember. It’s so surreal. Tonight I’m drowning in you. Drowning in your songs, drowning in your words, drowning in your pictures, drowning in you.

I know tomorrow will be better. It always is. But tonight I’ll let my scars bleed.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9. This scripture gives me so much peace. God is with me on my good days and my bad days. He is with me on the days I get it right and the days I fall down and allow myself to feel the pain of your absence. He is my rock, my strength, my salvation.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll get it right.

I Trust my God, I Trust my God, I Trust my God.